Some old words.

Are You Lightheaded Yet? (May 1, 2010)

It’s like gargling warm salt-water

but this is where 3:23 AM finds us,

fumbling around in a living room

made for ghosts

Lack of furniture urges me

not to stay, to pass through quickly

lest I get forgotten in this house

full of empty rooms

This blanket will do

Another means to an end,

and this is the night that I’m doing

everything I swore I wouldn’t

When I walk away from here

with my body flushed, my mouth

warm with something and my heart racing

to an unsteady beat

I’m not so sure I won’t regret you

and all the words you whispered to me

while we got to know each other

in the dark

Because the shadows are where it’s safest,

where every facet of you and I

can be stripped down and exposed-

and I know who I am now

I know who you are now

and never thought I’d let a loneliness

exceed my mind, let my heart plunge

ahead of my thoughts for an evening

We embrace, we exhaust, we breathe

into each other and out of each other

with your hands trying so damn hard

and your heart open for me to see.

I guess I’m a better actor than you.

________________________________________________

Hide and Seek (March 21, 2010)

I catch you

only in glimpses now,

in quick succession               every             couple               seconds.

Lately, that’s how the memories come too.

Quick flashes.

Blips and blurs.

That smile you gave me once.

Your blue shirt that smells like my detergent now.

A kiss on the mouth.

This is what I’d call an impasse

and the feet seem like miles

between us. You clean up well.

I’ve missed you, but maybe I’m missing you alone.

You’re just around the corner,

standing against the wall

lined with typographic explorations

and animal masks. A senior’s thesis.

We just miss each other

by

mere

seconds.

There is no eye contact,

no quiet moment held between our gazes

from the opposite ends of this gallery.

No, there is only you

surrounded by conversation

and girls in pretty dresses.

I hide behind a wall of someone else’s work,

wondering where your display is

throughout this mess of an exhibition

and hope to God you see me,

and hope to God you don’t.

_______________________________________________

I Suppose (January 23, 2010)

I’m shaking you off like a second skin

Each layer peeling away, thin and brittle

As I feel lighter without the weight

I dog-eared the page of that book you lent me

And I haven’t decided just yet if you’ll get that back

If you do, perhaps you’ll remember me

On page 57- the page I stopped reading

Because I don’t care that it’s your favorite book

I still have the shirt you let me borrow

On Halloween night, when everything changed

I have decided that I’ll be keeping that

The one thing I feel like holding onto from you

There are little scraps of paper in my trash can

Notes written from you now left in pieces

Consider this my final thoughts

My tiny helpless grasp at closure

I suppose this is moving on

Thoughts on summer ending…

I went on vacation last week to Boston. For all the hell I went through by being on vacation with my parents for a week, I have to admit that I am just loving that city. The architecture, the energy, the atmosphere, the buzz, the possibilities. I really think I’d enjoy living there after graduation. I don’t really like thinking about life post-grad. It’s a murky territory that’s just beginning to get strikingly clear with every day that passes. I have a potential job lined up right now, which is great. Of course. But I also don’t want to get pigeon-holed. I’m 22. This is my time to really stretch my wings a bit, go explore, before I get tied down with marriage and a family (if those things are meant to happen within my own lifetime and I’m hoping they will.) I go back to school in 4 days, which is just. Weird. Really weird. I keep saying that, but that’s the only feeling I have towards it right now.

I decided the blog needed an update so I implemented a new theme and all that jazz. Cleaned up my about me section and my cast of characters. Make this a little easier to read, perhaps. I was reading some old posts and I think I might post some writing I did a few months ago… just to have it up on here. Stay tuned for the next few posts… they’ll probably all be writing-based.