“Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it’s very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you’re nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her yours forever.”
I wish I had a wireless keyboard. I’m getting annoyed with sitting at desks lately. I go to work, I sit at a desk. I stare at a screen. I come home, I sit at a desk. I stare at a screen. I’d like to lounge on my bed and type, but alas. I am restricted with wires and a bulky monitor (beautiful as it is) and a chair that’s quite uncomfortable. Perhaps that’s why I don’t write nearly as much anymore, or perhaps I’m just making an excuse that sounds like bullshit to appease myself and my thoughts.
The movie “Remember Me” wasn’t bad. It wasn’t the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen but it made me cry. A movie strikes as fairly powerful when it makes me cry. Rob Pattinson didn’t do a terrible job acting either. I’m shocked to say that he showed some emotional range. Not once did I think, “Oh, he’s acting like Edward Cullen and grimacing too much.” He did quite fantastically with the script and all that. I saw the ending coming because I stumbled across some spoiler a while back. I wish I hadn’t known. Hindsight is a bitch.
The summer is just ticking by, day after day. People have come and gone since I’ve been home. My heart has been crumpled just a little more than it was before. I’m not sure how that’s possible, really. If any more of this keeps happening, my heart might just stop beating altogether. But I don’t want that. I promise.
The need for something more interesting to say is on my mind. This blog has become stale and boring… but then again, so has my life. I go to work. I see some friends. There’s not much worthy of writing about. I could be like some people and find some mindless moral to the story in my day and write about that but I don’t believe my days necessarily have some overall meaning to them. At the end of the day, life is just a smattering of events shoved together with no real rhyme or reason. Not every single thing is connected. There is no overall theme. I’m in a dark place right now so don’t take these words too seriously. I’ve just had enough of the bullshit. Enough of the hope.
I will put my hopes on a string, and tie them to my wrists like balloons. They won’t get too high, then. My feet wont lift off the ground an inch. I will stay grounded. My head won’t even skim the surface of the clouds. This year…this school year anyway… I will be better.
And if I’m not better, then I don’t know what will happen. Not really.
Between the Broken Ends 
Sometimes I wish I can transport people into my head, so they’d know how I see them.
I hope you realize that even in your blog, even in your writing of a life that you call relatively “stale and boring”, you and your writing still come across to people as interesting, because it’s real.
Maybe these words don’t mean anything, and maybe I’m writing them to someone who has moved on from this specific post, but…I guess I just want you to remember, Am, that hope dies last. And sometimes, there are things in life you don’t need to put up with. It’s up to you if you’re going to do something about it.
Just a random thing: my current desktop right now is grey, and it’s simple, but basically, on the bottom right corner, it says “WRITERS WRITE. everyone ELSE makes excuses.” 🙂
This may or may not be worth anything, and it may come at the wrong time, but I still think you’re a GREAT writer, and that you’d do me a huge favour, and the world, if you kept going. Sometimes, you just need someone to remind you: YOU CAN DO IT.
Turn the stale life into great fiction, and the heartbreaks into poetic prose that people will relate to. And once in a while, you can let life get in the way. Do something worth writing about. But don’t ever, ever, stop writing.
You’re just not allowed 🙂
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That’s all I can really say, Cam. 🙂
Both the posting and the comment are beautiful posts. Thank you both for sharing 🙂
And thank YOU, Liz, for commenting. 🙂 Do you have a blog too?